So, you want to have a baby?

This question has been asked to me a lot recently. In all honesty it makes me giggle. Mostly because if I was you I would want to know too. I totally understand why people would want to know. Unless you're one of my closest tribe members then I probably haven't shared with you about the way God slowly changed my heart over the last year and a half. Some friends have been brave and straight up asked me. Whether it's out of concern or out of curiosity it's no different to me. So, do I even want to have a baby? In short, ABSOLUTELY.

For the longest time I never thought that I was made to have, or even desired to have children. I knew what baby fever was, but I never felt it or even desired it. This didn't bother me. I mean let's be real, I didn't even think I wanted to get married, let alone did I know if I wanted to become a mother one day. To give you an example of how extreme I was about kids though- when Matt and I were just talking long distance I asked him on a scale of 1-10 how bad he wanted to have kids because if his desire was higher than a 2 then we probably shouldn't even start dating. I asked him this BEFORE we were even dating!! Lucky for me, his desires were similar so we continued to move forward in dating. From there we got engaged one year later and married just nine months after that.

I usually go back to Louisiana once or twice a year to visit my family. I can remember this one visit so vividly. It was in the fall of 2015. My nephew, Collins, was just a couple months old and my niece, Eliza, was playing in one of her soccer games. As I was sitting by the soccer field watching her play, I suddenly got this feeling. The only way I know how to describe it is some type of unknown feeling of love, desire, and a longing for something that I didn't have, that almost made me cry right there on the sideline. Obviously I kept it together and just thought I was emotional because I missed my family. It made me think though. Do I want to have kids? Am I desiring to be a mom? After I got home I spent several months just praying about it. I didn't want to bring it up if it was merely just a feeling, fearing that once I talked about it I would change my mind.

Several months later, I knew it was time to share my thoughts and prayers with Matt. Remember the question I asked him above? Yeah, what if his desire for having kids was still at a scale of 2? I knew that no matter what I needed to accept and understand his desires too because here I am years later trying to change the game plan. We talked one night. I know I cried at some point. Maybe it was the build up of talking about it, maybe it was the indescribable emotions I felt. From there we both spent some time praying together and separately. But how beautiful that through the midst of it all God not only changed my heart, but He was already changing Matt's heart and desire to grow our family as well. This leaves me almost speechless. To know that we get to love and serve a God together that grows us, changes us, challenges us, and loves us beyond all reason that I can ever comprehend. So yes, we are unbelievably ecstatic to have a baby.